Ten things I learned this summer


I’ve spent many an hour in airports and airplanes this summer. Here’s ten things I learned.

1. I learned that some people – make that most people – shouldn’t wear shorts when traveling on airplanes.

2. I learned that my shoes pose a threat to passenger security in San Jose but not in Dallas, and that I need “a government issued ID” to board a plane in Seattle but not in Fort Myers.

3. I learned that many travelers are sporting tattoos, the cost of which would have been better spent on liposuction or, better yet, a good pair of running shoes.

4. I learned that kids don’t belong in airports and for sure not on airplanes. If parents want junior to spend some time with granny, granny should be the one on a plane.

5. I learned that “muscle shirts” are misnamed.

6. I learned that a minute – as in “Folks, we will be boarding in just a minute” – means up to a half hour or more in airlinespeak.

7. I learned that baseball caps worn backwards cover smaller brains than those worn forward.

8. I learned that not all travelers bathe regularly.

9. I learned that many airline gate agents still treat their customers poorly… sometimes very poorly.

10. I learned that halter tops are more honestly named than those muscle shirts.